Charming Prince-Charming-150x150

 

Article du 06/07

avatar2274_1

 

# 1 C’est un médecin qui appelle un malade difficile à joindre ;  « Monsieur Jean Airmar ! J’ai deux mauvaises nouvelles à vous annoncer. La première c’est qu’il vous reste 24heures à vivre….  »
#2 Savez vous la dernière chose qui est passée à travers la tête de Lady Di ? »

 

Bonsoir à toutes les lectrices du soir !
 
                        C’est l’esprit serein que je reprends la plume et la feuille blanche ou plutôt la souris et un Nouveau Document ! Mon année est finie, les exams passés et je suis sur le départ pour la côte basque pour un week-end festif entre amis.
 
Bref, je m’étais calé tranquille dans mon canapé, la copine à l’autre bout de la France (rhoooo) devant la retransmission tv du spectacle de l’équipe d’On ne demande qu’à en rire au casino de Paris,  prêt à glandouiller allégrement en cette fin de jeudi orageux… et là bim ! Coup de téléphone ! Qui c’est ?
 
Je vous le donne en mille ; Zouzou.
 
La rédactrice demande un article pour demain. Je demande un délai. Pas de délai. Je m’exécute.
 
Alors de quoi puis-je vous parler ? Du foot ? nooon, avec l’Euro vous frisez l’overdose. Des vacances ? Dangereux pour les aoutiennes. De la politique ? Soyons sérieux….
 
Et là je vois le sketch de Jeremy Ferrari. Pour les quelques chanceuses qui ne le connaissent pas c’est un humoriste de la dernière génération qui manie un humour très noir et très efficace. Perso j’adore ! Mais en règle générale les filles aiment beaucoup moins.
 
Pourquoi ? Pourquoi les garçons aiment l’humour noir et provoquant quand les filles adhèrent avec beaucoup plus de réserve ?  pourquoi tant de méfiance des Sacha Guitry, Pierre Desproges et autres Coluche…
 
Perso, je pense d’abord que l’humour noir nous permet à nous, les garçons, de se dédouaner de la réalité. Je m’explique. Genre, on rit des petits somaliens, des malades, des camps de concentration parce que ça fait dur. Tu vois ? Je peux rigoler de ça parce que je peux assumer, je peux encaisser et je m’en fous…. Oui parce que nous notre idéal c’est James Dean, cuir noir dans corvette rouge et clope au bec. Le mec intouchable quoi. Il n’est atteint par rien, rien ne l’atteint. Par extension, c’est pour cela que nos héros favoris sont Wolverine, Batman ou Gi Joe. Des mecs quoi. On les voit se battre à fond et puis à la fin ils lâchent la petite blague qui achève le truc.
 
Ensuite, et ça vous ne pouvez le nier, ça rajoute un petit charme. Un exemple ? je cite Hugh Laurie alias dr House. Homophobe, raciste, misogyne, arrogant mais  supérieurement intelligent, le bon docteur ne manque pas une occasion de lâcher ses petites phrases assassines. « Vous parlez à Dieu, vous êtes croyant. Il vous répond ? Vous êtes schizo. ». Admettez que vous êtes sous le charme de cet homme brisé à l’humour corrosif.
 
Alors que vous, petites princesses vous préférez les blagues mignonnes, celles qui ne défrisent pas votre brushing Walt Disney. En gros, vous assumez votre sensibilité et vous ne ressentez pas le besoin de faire vos preuves. C’est pour cela qu’on vous aime…
 
Qu’en pensez vous ?

 

 
#1 « -Aaaah !!! et l’autre mauvaise nouvelle ?  -ça fait 24heures que j’essaye de vous joindre »
#2 « Sa colonne vertébrale »
 
 
Charming
 
 

 

Article du 23/04

Bonsoir à toutes !

Désolé du petit delai d’écriture de l’article mais le salaire en remerciements et en « éternelle reconnaissance » (pour reprendre ses propres termes) payé par la redactrice m’oblige à arrondir les fins de mois avec un emploi en plus. Enfin…

Bref, le contexte aidant (crise, élections, pluies, arrêt de la série Dr House…) ma copine déclare en plein milieu de mon brunch post soirée  que sa garde-robe ne correspond plus à sa façon d’être, ni sa façon de vouloir être vue comme telle dans la société. Ainsi, me voila promu porte-bagage/conducteur/conseiller spécial  dans sa démarche de « nouvelle moi » dans les boutiques de filles samedi après-midi. YOUPI –’

Donc, s’est ensuit une longue agonie (que tous les hommes connaissent) à suivrer la copine partout comme un ballon, accélérant et ralentissant comme elle, laissant échapper au gré des envies des « oooooh », des « aaaaah », des « c’est très joli mon amour »…

c’est ainsi que je me suis retrouvé à réfléchir sur mon petit tabouret de cabine d’essayage (entre deux parties d’angry birds) à comment pourriez vous faire pour nous faire passer la pilule et améliorer notre patience lors de vos shopping-marathon, voire (pour les plus douées) à nous faire participer activement ?

1- pas de sorties les samedi post-soirées   (s’il vous plaaaaaait)

2- établir un emploi du temps précis, c’est-à-dire annoncer les heures de début et de fin (et s’y tenir) avec la liste exhaustive des  magasins explorés. Oui, parce que nous ce qui nous tue c’est de passer d’une enseigne à l’autre sans savoir combien de temps ça va durer, si c’est le dernier, l’avant-dernier ou si on est encore très loin de la fin  (pas de « c’est le dernier » à répétition…ça nous agresse)

3- prévoir une petite plage de pause à la moitié. Un truc comme un petit café gracieusement offert, une gauffre ou alors un petit tour au rayon BD de la fnac si vous voulez consacrer tout votre budget à vos vêtements

4- une perspective optimiste pour la soirée ; un petit resto en amoureux, un petit film….

5- shopping à intervalles suffisamment espacés pour ne pas nous lasser

6- ne pas dépasser 4h de piétinage

Alors pour résumer ça donne

« Mon amour (poussin/biquet/chouchou/chéri……en fonction de vos habitudes), est ce qu’on pourrait, s’il te plaît (ça ne fait jamais de mal et on commence à vous voir venir) faire un petit tour en ville à partir de 14h00 (top chrono) à environ 17h30 (ne pas oublier le « environ » parc e que malgré toute votre bonne volonté on vous connaît), je t’offrirai une crêpe beurre-sucre chorizo comme tu adores vers 16h30. Et en plus comme on sera en ville je t’invites ce soir à manger au resto italien ! s’il te plaaaaaît »

Servez avec un grand sourire et votre petit air de chien battu de la SPA et hop c’est dans la poche !

Je vous laisse, ma copine m’a commandé des crêpes pour ce soir et elle s’impatiente….. (elle est décidemment très douée…)

Charming

 

Article du 22/03

Bonjour à toutes,

J’ai l’honneur de déclarer cette rubrique OUVERTE !

Je suis le « Charming » de ce blog, convoquée par la redactrice en chef pour commenter ses rubriques.

Je ne suis pas le copain homo de Zouzou ni son partenaire de N’Golo n’golo.

Je ne suis pas une fashion victim, je ne suis pas un assassin de la mode

Je ne roule pas sur l’or, je ne dors pas dans des cartons

Je ne suis pas Eric (le prince de la petite sirène, ce n’est pas à vous que je vais l’apprendre), je ne suis pas le tueur de Seven

je ne suis pas un sex-addict, je ne suis pas geek

je ne suis pas un gigolo, je ne vis pas chez ma mère

Je ne suis pas un collabo, je ne suis pas Jean Moulin,

Je ne suis pas un Georges Clooney, je ne suis pas George (le yeti de la pub Tictac, vous ne regardez jamais la tv ou quoi ?)

Je suis breton par contre

Enfin, on ne vas pas y passer la soirée, fermez les yeux et imaginez un mec de 23 ans étudiant de province. Voilà c’est moi. Je suis un mec lambda avec ses vices, ses ennuis et ses contradictions. Un peu comme le gars du dessin quoi. Un amalgame de bonne volonté et de maladresse, l’allure assurée d’un prince charmant mais en définitive l’air un peu con. Bref, je crois que c’est pour ça que zouzou m’a élu, elle voit en moi un mec qui est issu d’une majorité de vos meilleurs ennemis.

Vous avez vos idées reçues sur nous ; nous sommes des obsédés, sales, addicts à CAll of Duty, désorientés par la vue d’un décolleté plongeant… Oui mais pas que.

Ensuite, nous aussi nous avons des gros préjugés sur vous.

Et puis vous avez des préjugés  sur les idées reçues que nous avons sur vous. (ça va toujours?); c’est à ça que je m’attaque dans ce blog. Je m’explique ; vous pensez que pour nous garder il faut être maquillée H24 ? Non (au contraire) ! Cette tenue que vous aimez tant vous met en valeur, vos copines adorent et vous croyez que les mecs vous trouvent irresistible ? Pas forcement. vous pensez qu’un ex peut rester un ami ? Non ! Vous pensez que si on vous trompe c’est qu’on  vous aime moins ? oui…. Vous croyez qu’il vaut mieux être seule que mal accompagnée ? OUI !!!

Donc, la mission que j’ai acceptée est de tenter de dissiper les brumes qui séparent nos deux mondes. Je ferai un pas vers vous en essayant de vous aider à mieux nous decrypter.

Voilà…

A très bientôt les lectrices, j’espère que vous trouverez dans ce blog ce que vous êtes venues chercher et rappelez vous que « le plus grand luxe des hommes est de se payer le corps des femmes, tandis que celui des femmes est de se payer la tête des hommes »

Charming.

 

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